You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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