I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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