your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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