I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We have started to decorate penises.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
