I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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