she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize