Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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