Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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