Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
