My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
someone owes me an orgasm
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
