Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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