Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
