P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
