If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
