? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
