I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
