did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
