just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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