she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
