So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
