It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
