Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
