I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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