you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
