the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
