addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
