oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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