I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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