The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
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Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pants are for mortals
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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