The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
