Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
