Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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