Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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