ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
