Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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