evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
