1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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