and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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