Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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