I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
