Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
