I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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