so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
