it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
