From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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