Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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