I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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