he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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