My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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