I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
