Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
