I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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