It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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