i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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