His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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