There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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