You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
