dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
