apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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