Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
