I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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