Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
