I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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