the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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