Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
