I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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