I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
