I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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