Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pants are for mortals
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