I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
