You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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