I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
