your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
