im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
