i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
