Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
