LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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