The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
