We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are the jesus of drinking
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
