You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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