I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You need a sexual gate keeper
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
