i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
